she. again. pretending to be my friend. i hate her man. drop the act. i know how u really feel about me. u know who u r. remember what goes around comes around. u'll get ur juz desserts one day. so rite now i'm listening to my immortal, damn long song.
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
how true is that?? very. some ppl wanted to crack me...but i wun let them. there juz too much stuff. stuff ppl will never get. it's my dark past and no one will ever know about it besides me. all i told u were the happy stuff...u'll never know what lies behind it all...yea. it's take a damn super de duper de good friend to ever know. but i doubt that. i'm scared. yes ppl...even 'strong' ppl have the right to be scared. i'm afraid of rejection and blackmail if i was ever gonna tell anyone. sad...the number of true friends i have are less than the fingers on my hand.... :( the rest are juz friends...or good friends...not really those kind u would believe would be there for u. i dunno lars...i've been let down so many time. fallen so many time. it's hard to pick up myself again.
i've juz been thinking a lot...i'm so scared i think until i dun pay attention in class. honestly speaking...i'm so damnit screwed up lars. i'm suppose to be studying...but here i am blogging about some crap that no one really cares about...when i could be studying. damn fished up man. i muz study...then why can't i find that same spark i used to have to study?? i seemed to have lost it. argh...angry again. with myself. i hate being me. where is my motivation to study?? how come everyone can do it so easily but i can't?? what is the bloddy problem with me?? why am i slipping in my grades?? why can't i be more attentive and less lazy... why?! arghs. i hate me. i juz wish that i could be like that old me. the hardworking old me. why is it so hard to do things that ppl find easy?? why?? why me?? i wish i could do well...i try so hard to do it...and what do i get back?? a lump of annoying lard. ppl care about the results...they never care about how much effort u put it...i'm so sick and tired of the results. i'm sorry but i'm not that smart. i can that smart as ur stupid idoitic perfect son ok??!! u happy?? so what if i'm nice...i still can't get far.......
i'm so useless...all i could do is juz blog on this stupid thing...o God..please send a huge blackhole to swallow me up..so i dun have to go thru living each day with regret. this year is such an impt year for me..but why can't I see that?? why am i still stuck in the freaking holiday mood?? why can't i juz get out of this ladedadada mood?? arghs....... i wanna work hard..i wanna study...i wanna feel success in the palm of hand once more...like i used to feel...rite now all i feel is that air of failure. grr...ame...dun why dun u take ur freaking ass and go kill urself...geez.. can't i do anything right??
i want to study!!!!!!!
ever felt alone in this world? like u're destined to be byself for all eternity. that's how i feel. let's juz said i remember a certain thing someone promised me but she never carried it out. i have so study grp. i'm damn freaking screwed up. my supposed 'friend' was suppose to include me in it...but i think she has joy in excluding ppl......i feel so insignificant. arghs. God...please let me disappear. i dun care how many ppl say that they care for me and stuff...i can't feel it anymore..i can't feel anything nowadays....i'm so numb so human emotion...all except my own. i dunno wat to do anymore. i wanna have a study grp too u know...i wanna be with friends too...but no one can see it. i hate____________. i juz hate it. i'm human too...i like company too...why is everyone so hard up on leaving me alone?? why?? why....... i can't believe. u exclude me...and u still call urself my 'friend' all u scumbags.*sighs* is it even normal for a person to keep sighing?? i dun care... this is the worst time for me to not care..but what else can i do?? i feel so neglected.
my parents are going on a damn holiday and they're leaving me alone. every morning i would have to wake up at am. i would have no breakfast, no lunch and no dinner. some life hur? for two weeks. i hate home. i dun have one. everyone is concerned about my studies..they dun care about what is happenning to me....my soul is dying inside...but do they care? no. they dun. i hate my siblings. i really do. they are never there for me. when i need my brother to help me with my homework...he is never there. my sis hates me. she makes me feel like some godforsaken child. really she does. the next two weeks are gonna be hell. i hate my home. i wish i could stay at someone's house tmeporary. home would be the last place i wanna go. school is the second. see my pt about SS. well now u get it. i wish i had a twin. my twin is overseas. well see is not exactly my twin. but we're born on the same day...so i guess we're like twins. but still...she is miles away.
u know that someone i told u about...i feel like cancelling her from the invitation list...arghs...i dun want her near me seriously i afraid her spies would tell her though...*sighs* i'll juz take it off...make the invitations...soon. i'll get someone to help me....like sam lee...mee siam...i'm hungry...haha...juz kidding. u know...it's not so easy to forget the hurt that ppl do to u...it's really hard. esp. for me. i dunno why...i think i'm different. ESP? dunno... really...i dunno.
hmm...i like him. i'm not telling who. but then...u know sth? i'm better off liking penguin...nothing to do with materialistic things...it's juz...ever heard that how a guy treats u is how he treats his own mother?? yea...well u see...ahem...he er...let's juz say he doesn't really seem to be the one that respects his parents..so i dunno... x)) but pen...he is better...i think lar...somemore...penguin is a good boy...but...ever heard.. nan ren bu huai, nu ren bu ai? it's means...if a guy is not a little bad...no girl will like him...haha...well i think that applies to me lars... wheeeeeeeeeee....i went crazy during extra lessons...too much natural sugars. yea. but ahem...haiya...i dunno lars. i hate being fickle about the person i like. yu yang is so cute!!!!!!!!!!!! and adriano!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but they all have girlfriends.............argh...why do guys like them always have gf...give no hope for ppl like me.. :( o wells...i think i like ahem lars...i mean the only prob is maybe that he's a little vertically challenged. yea...i'm sure he'll grow taller than me lor...like who arh?? ho3 rite... shilly sit.....shoot so high......nvm...
u know what....no matter how much i like him...he will never know. cos i wun tell him not so courageous as others think i am. i mean...seriously...if i tell him and he doesn't feel the same...i'll be so damn embarrassed lar...but if he feels the same...then i guess it'll be good. but one more prob. he erm..has a bad habbit he needs to quit. argh. why do all the guys i like have some malfunction??!!! maybe i have bad taste. ahem..i hope he doesn't know how i feel. and that stupid biscuit...keep on making fun.
dear God
please help me not to be laxy during this lenten peroid. give me strength and determination to study and work hard. may i have the motivation to do well...like i used to. and thank you for giving me thru friends. may u bless them all.
amen.
Name
Age
School
bday
[[ The Wishlist ]]
New wand!
Lockart's new spell book
Murder the potions master
New broom
Get into the school's qudditch team
[[ Don't talk crap, it's fucking rude ]]
she. again. pretending to be my friend. i hate her man. drop the act. i know how u really feel about me. u know who u r. remember what goes around comes around. u'll get ur juz desserts one day. so rite now i'm listening to my immortal, damn long song.
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
how true is that?? very. some ppl wanted to crack me...but i wun let them. there juz too much stuff. stuff ppl will never get. it's my dark past and no one will ever know about it besides me. all i told u were the happy stuff...u'll never know what lies behind it all...yea. it's take a damn super de duper de good friend to ever know. but i doubt that. i'm scared. yes ppl...even 'strong' ppl have the right to be scared. i'm afraid of rejection and blackmail if i was ever gonna tell anyone. sad...the number of true friends i have are less than the fingers on my hand.... :( the rest are juz friends...or good friends...not really those kind u would believe would be there for u. i dunno lars...i've been let down so many time. fallen so many time. it's hard to pick up myself again.
i've juz been thinking a lot...i'm so scared i think until i dun pay attention in class. honestly speaking...i'm so damnit screwed up lars. i'm suppose to be studying...but here i am blogging about some crap that no one really cares about...when i could be studying. damn fished up man. i muz study...then why can't i find that same spark i used to have to study?? i seemed to have lost it. argh...angry again. with myself. i hate being me. where is my motivation to study?? how come everyone can do it so easily but i can't?? what is the bloddy problem with me?? why am i slipping in my grades?? why can't i be more attentive and less lazy... why?! arghs. i hate me. i juz wish that i could be like that old me. the hardworking old me. why is it so hard to do things that ppl find easy?? why?? why me?? i wish i could do well...i try so hard to do it...and what do i get back?? a lump of annoying lard. ppl care about the results...they never care about how much effort u put it...i'm so sick and tired of the results. i'm sorry but i'm not that smart. i can that smart as ur stupid idoitic perfect son ok??!! u happy?? so what if i'm nice...i still can't get far.......
i'm so useless...all i could do is juz blog on this stupid thing...o God..please send a huge blackhole to swallow me up..so i dun have to go thru living each day with regret. this year is such an impt year for me..but why can't I see that?? why am i still stuck in the freaking holiday mood?? why can't i juz get out of this ladedadada mood?? arghs....... i wanna work hard..i wanna study...i wanna feel success in the palm of hand once more...like i used to feel...rite now all i feel is that air of failure. grr...ame...dun why dun u take ur freaking ass and go kill urself...geez.. can't i do anything right??
i want to study!!!!!!!
ever felt alone in this world? like u're destined to be byself for all eternity. that's how i feel. let's juz said i remember a certain thing someone promised me but she never carried it out. i have so study grp. i'm damn freaking screwed up. my supposed 'friend' was suppose to include me in it...but i think she has joy in excluding ppl......i feel so insignificant. arghs. God...please let me disappear. i dun care how many ppl say that they care for me and stuff...i can't feel it anymore..i can't feel anything nowadays....i'm so numb so human emotion...all except my own. i dunno wat to do anymore. i wanna have a study grp too u know...i wanna be with friends too...but no one can see it. i hate____________. i juz hate it. i'm human too...i like company too...why is everyone so hard up on leaving me alone?? why?? why....... i can't believe. u exclude me...and u still call urself my 'friend' all u scumbags.*sighs* is it even normal for a person to keep sighing?? i dun care... this is the worst time for me to not care..but what else can i do?? i feel so neglected.
my parents are going on a damn holiday and they're leaving me alone. every morning i would have to wake up at am. i would have no breakfast, no lunch and no dinner. some life hur? for two weeks. i hate home. i dun have one. everyone is concerned about my studies..they dun care about what is happenning to me....my soul is dying inside...but do they care? no. they dun. i hate my siblings. i really do. they are never there for me. when i need my brother to help me with my homework...he is never there. my sis hates me. she makes me feel like some godforsaken child. really she does. the next two weeks are gonna be hell. i hate my home. i wish i could stay at someone's house tmeporary. home would be the last place i wanna go. school is the second. see my pt about SS. well now u get it. i wish i had a twin. my twin is overseas. well see is not exactly my twin. but we're born on the same day...so i guess we're like twins. but still...she is miles away.
u know that someone i told u about...i feel like cancelling her from the invitation list...arghs...i dun want her near me seriously i afraid her spies would tell her though...*sighs* i'll juz take it off...make the invitations...soon. i'll get someone to help me....like sam lee...mee siam...i'm hungry...haha...juz kidding. u know...it's not so easy to forget the hurt that ppl do to u...it's really hard. esp. for me. i dunno why...i think i'm different. ESP? dunno... really...i dunno.
hmm...i like him. i'm not telling who. but then...u know sth? i'm better off liking penguin...nothing to do with materialistic things...it's juz...ever heard that how a guy treats u is how he treats his own mother?? yea...well u see...ahem...he er...let's juz say he doesn't really seem to be the one that respects his parents..so i dunno... x)) but pen...he is better...i think lar...somemore...penguin is a good boy...but...ever heard.. nan ren bu huai, nu ren bu ai? it's means...if a guy is not a little bad...no girl will like him...haha...well i think that applies to me lars... wheeeeeeeeeee....i went crazy during extra lessons...too much natural sugars. yea. but ahem...haiya...i dunno lars. i hate being fickle about the person i like. yu yang is so cute!!!!!!!!!!!! and adriano!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but they all have girlfriends.............argh...why do guys like them always have gf...give no hope for ppl like me.. :( o wells...i think i like ahem lars...i mean the only prob is maybe that he's a little vertically challenged. yea...i'm sure he'll grow taller than me lor...like who arh?? ho3 rite... shilly sit.....shoot so high......nvm...
u know what....no matter how much i like him...he will never know. cos i wun tell him not so courageous as others think i am. i mean...seriously...if i tell him and he doesn't feel the same...i'll be so damn embarrassed lar...but if he feels the same...then i guess it'll be good. but one more prob. he erm..has a bad habbit he needs to quit. argh. why do all the guys i like have some malfunction??!!! maybe i have bad taste. ahem..i hope he doesn't know how i feel. and that stupid biscuit...keep on making fun.
dear God
please help me not to be laxy during this lenten peroid. give me strength and determination to study and work hard. may i have the motivation to do well...like i used to. and thank you for giving me thru friends. may u bless them all.
amen.