sighs.. feel that stuff's been rather weird lately.. some ppl that u usually talk to or hang out with sudddenly stop talking.. it just feels weird.. although this feeling isn't a stranger to be anymore.. somehow it has a made a home for itself deep within my being. the other day my friend was complaining about me being innocent.. about me assusing.. but sometimes.. it's not assuming but more like a gut feeling u know? like u already know that it's gonna happen one way or another..
i guess the thing i still have to learn is that people are not always what they seem to be.. nver give ur whole self to someone cos somehow they would do something to make u regret that u did.. it's not assuming this time.. it's a fact of life.. a lesson that i can never pass.. u say i shouldn't close myself up to people.. but if i don't do that... i'd get hurt all over again. why is it never the other person that is hurt but me instead? am i really that big of a loser that i can't even see it coming even though it is so close that i can feel its breath upon my skin? sometimes... i think.. is all of this ever really true? or am i just living a lie? a work of fiction in a fiction filled world.
i don't know.. i don't know how to trust anymore. i don't know how to make things better. i don't know how long more i can go on for. i don't know what u're thinking or why u do what you do. i don't know why i still carry on.. i don't know why i keep on smiling even though all i want to do is to cry and cry sometimes. i dunno what else to do. i dunno where else to go. i dunno how else to handle this then to keep it all inside me. i just.. don't want anymore. don't want to be bothered.. don't want to care. to don't to give warmth and receive nothing but a cold shoulder. don't want to keep going on even though i know this is a battle that i cannot win no matter how hard i try. i don't want to be bothered by all this anymore.. i don't want to be haunted. i just wanna run... run as far that no one can find me. no one can catch up with me.. run all the way till i reach a place where no one knows me.. i wanna feel as though ppl care... i wanna feel the warmth i used to feel.. i wanna just stop doing all this. i just wanna sceam and shout and break everything in my room. i wanna be able to just act like nothing is wrong.. i wanna just be as open as everyone else...
but i can't.
sometimes... u just try so hard.. until u're all brusied.. and bleeding.. scratched.. cut.. everything.. and yet u still can't get what u so long for.. can u really just keep going on? or just give in and let fate consume ur very being? i just wanna... i just wanna.. wanna run till i can't be traced...
Name
Age
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bday
[[ The Wishlist ]]
New wand!
Lockart's new spell book
Murder the potions master
New broom
Get into the school's qudditch team
[[ Don't talk crap, it's fucking rude ]]
sighs.. feel that stuff's been rather weird lately.. some ppl that u usually talk to or hang out with sudddenly stop talking.. it just feels weird.. although this feeling isn't a stranger to be anymore.. somehow it has a made a home for itself deep within my being. the other day my friend was complaining about me being innocent.. about me assusing.. but sometimes.. it's not assuming but more like a gut feeling u know? like u already know that it's gonna happen one way or another..
i guess the thing i still have to learn is that people are not always what they seem to be.. nver give ur whole self to someone cos somehow they would do something to make u regret that u did.. it's not assuming this time.. it's a fact of life.. a lesson that i can never pass.. u say i shouldn't close myself up to people.. but if i don't do that... i'd get hurt all over again. why is it never the other person that is hurt but me instead? am i really that big of a loser that i can't even see it coming even though it is so close that i can feel its breath upon my skin? sometimes... i think.. is all of this ever really true? or am i just living a lie? a work of fiction in a fiction filled world.
i don't know.. i don't know how to trust anymore. i don't know how to make things better. i don't know how long more i can go on for. i don't know what u're thinking or why u do what you do. i don't know why i still carry on.. i don't know why i keep on smiling even though all i want to do is to cry and cry sometimes. i dunno what else to do. i dunno where else to go. i dunno how else to handle this then to keep it all inside me. i just.. don't want anymore. don't want to be bothered.. don't want to care. to don't to give warmth and receive nothing but a cold shoulder. don't want to keep going on even though i know this is a battle that i cannot win no matter how hard i try. i don't want to be bothered by all this anymore.. i don't want to be haunted. i just wanna run... run as far that no one can find me. no one can catch up with me.. run all the way till i reach a place where no one knows me.. i wanna feel as though ppl care... i wanna feel the warmth i used to feel.. i wanna just stop doing all this. i just wanna sceam and shout and break everything in my room. i wanna be able to just act like nothing is wrong.. i wanna just be as open as everyone else...
but i can't.
sometimes... u just try so hard.. until u're all brusied.. and bleeding.. scratched.. cut.. everything.. and yet u still can't get what u so long for.. can u really just keep going on? or just give in and let fate consume ur very being? i just wanna... i just wanna.. wanna run till i can't be traced...